1) He only invites you over to his place late at night via text or IM.
A guy who truly liked you (or was even half decent, for that matter) would be proud to be seen out with you in public. He wouldn’t rely on the cover of the night to hurriedly rush you into his apartment at two AM. This sort of thing usually means that he’s got someone else. She’s the daytime girl, and you, unfortunately, are the night time girl. And it never ends well for the night time girl, because we are fillers. We’re something to rely on when he’s lonely, sad, drunk, high, horny, etc. and we’re not actually human in his eyes. If you were a human woman worthy of respect (in his eyes), he would call you on the phone. He would take you out to dinner. If he saw friends while the two of you were hanging out, he would introduce you. He wouldn’t immediately take you to his bedroom when you got to his apartment. He would make you feel worthy of love. This late night bullshit is for the birds. Fuck that guy. Tell him to go to hell. (Oh, and you might want to let this other girl know what he’s up to, because I guarantee there’s another girl, and I guarantee it will feel awesome. He doesn’t deserve your kindness or discretion.)
2) He makes you feel guilty for doing things you like to do.
This one typically involves a double-standard, too. If you want to go out with your friends, it’s a huge deal and he pouts for a lifetime. If he springs a last minute “guy’s night” on you, you’re expected to be totally okay with it all the time or you’re a huge bitch. If he doesn’t respect that you have your own stuff going on, then he doesn’t respect you. You’re essentially a glorified accessory, like a watch, or a stupid snapback or whatever it is these assholes wear.
3) He acts totally put-out and frustrated if you ask him the smallest favor.
Say you’re sick and you ask him to pick up ice cream on the way home. A good guy would say okay, no questions asked. Or decline politely and explain why. A douchebag would bitch and moan and talk about how out of the way the grocery store is and can’t you just get it I’m going out with my friends tonight me me me me me me me. To these guys, I say: GO FUCK YOURSELF. SELFISHNESS IS UGLY.
4) He contacts you only when he needs something.
Even if it seems small and doesn’t require any money, this is usually a key sign that he’s a dick. I’m an actor, so if a guy I like asks me for help “finding a monologue” or something, I know something’s fishy. You have other actor friends. Ask them. Why me? I don’t know any more about male monologues than they do. Probably less. Even if it’s information, or homework help, or something dumb like that – take it as a red flag. Now, if this doesn’t happen often, that should be alright. But if it’s every single time he initiates a conversation, he’s not interested in you, he’s interested in what you can give him.
5) He puts down your friends.
No matter how insignificant, if he makes comments about your friends being “bitches” or “jealous of what we have,” he’s a douchebag. The fact of the matter is that typically what your friends say about your relationship is more accurate than what either of you say, because they are impartial third party observers. They can see the cracks in the foundation from the outside while you’re in fucking lalaloopsyloveland riding around in his shitty car with shitty subwoofers sitting in the shitty backseat because his shitty friends take precedent over you.
6) He reminds you of how lucky you are to have him.
Ugh puke. My ex was like this. Like it was some fucking gigantic favor he was doing me just to be in my presence. Fuck off, douche. I’m doing something with my life. All you do is sit on your ass and play video games. Get a grip. Time for a reality check. If you were really lucky to have a guy, he wouldn’t need to fucking remind you. You’d just know. You’d be happy. He’d tell you how lucky he was to have you.
Moral of the story: A guy that’s worth your time is proud of you, wants to show you off, wants to take care of you, and respects you. Anything less and he’s not worth it. He doesn’t deserve to eat gum off the bottom of your shoe.